So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That was before I lit my hair on fire
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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