We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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