Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize