think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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