so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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