sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
