Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
