My first STD was from a foam party
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
