Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
