I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
