That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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