NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's just like the Real World with babies
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
