kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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