i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
