we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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