idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
