he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
