so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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