dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just high enough for therapy.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
