Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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