I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
