Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
