i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
