loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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