So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
