Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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