I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
