It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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