You're completely useless in the revolution.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
