So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
