i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
