From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
