I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
