We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
