I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
