I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
