Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
