and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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