Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
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Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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