Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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