We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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