I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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