WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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