I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
