Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
