My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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