Moan for me like Helen Keller
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
