Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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