i need an iv and a liver transplant
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
