i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
