so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
