They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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