is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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