you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
