We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
