Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
