Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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