he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
They took my balls.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
