Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I need a burrito and a hug.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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