Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
