your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
