I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
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To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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