I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
