he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize