using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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