Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
how does that bad decision feel?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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