I'm going to jail i love you
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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