Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
