Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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