Sry I called you an 8
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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